His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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