My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
