I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize