I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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