If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
