I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
