She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
did you just send me my own nude
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
