ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
