I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
