I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
