the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
