And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
