The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
