Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
