i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
