We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
