matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
