Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
