why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
