You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At least life still wants to fuck me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
