Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
