I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my fart just growled at me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
