I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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