he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
