Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
