Me too!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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