I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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