were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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