worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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