went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
