brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
