How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize