So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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