Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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