I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
