I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
