What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
