taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
