We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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