We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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