Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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