I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
