Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
