I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my poor anus
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
