We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
