Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
