So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I smell stomach acid.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
