puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
