Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
