Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Randomize
