the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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