I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
