You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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