I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
