If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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