I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I intend to get homeless drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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