I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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