I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
