He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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