Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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