my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
