he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
