Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
