Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
