I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
