Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
