lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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