This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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