Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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