I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
40s are totally the cure
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
