i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
