so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
