did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
