you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
