Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
