Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
